


You Can't Save Everyone

by plausibly



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 8x07, Episode Related, M/M, Uhm, based on an episode, eNJOYYY, genre whats that, im not kidding, it is the episode, like its just a scene, not really romance, theyre not together, written out, yeHa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-03-19
Packaged: 2018-05-27 14:38:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6288505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plausibly/pseuds/plausibly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“So you think this was,” he pauses, his tone soaking in disbelief. “your fault?”</p><p>(Written version of scenes from S8E7)</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Can't Save Everyone

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this was something I had wanted to try out and just hadn't yet. It's just a scene from the show written out. This is a couple scenes from S8E7. I really wanted to work on my description and such and I thought this was a good idea. There is no story just the use of writing from visual scenes. It's still got some subtext and I feel like it's pretty good.
> 
> To watch the scene here's the youtube link
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdaNhUW2kZY

Dean doesn’t recall much from the time he spent trapped in Purgatory, mostly because he sought to forget it, and partly because the memories were dominated by emotion instead of the senses. There is one flashback that is unforgettably vivid though, and it just happens to be the last one Dean bears. It’s the one where he escapes. He remembers the overpowering blue of the portal, it’s light showing him the direction to go. He remembers battling monster after monster, murdering them with whatever tools he could find. He remembers Cas, watching taking blow after blow and punch after punch. He remembers dragging him towards the portal, shouting desperately about how they had to hurry. He remembers gripping Cas’ dirt caked hand in his own, a feeble attempt to drag him to safety. Most of all, Dean remembers hearing his name as his grip began to weaken, tumbling through the gateway alone. It’s this last detail that causes Dean to say what he says.

“Cas, can I talk to you outside?” Dean finds himself saying, his words unbidden. His voice is deeper and quicker than he had meant it to be.

They both step out of the Impala, Cas’ passenger door closing only a few seconds after Dean’s. “What?” Cas questions, his face etched with a worry Dean didn’t want to know existed.

“Exactly, ‘what’.” Dean’s features turn harsh, his anger bubbling to the surface. “What the hell happened?” He pauses, unwilling to go further. Cas’ head tilts like a bewildered puppy, and Dean realizes he has to continue. “Back there. Purgatory.” The name chokes itself out and Dean allows a moment of silence. He stares straight at Cas, willing him to grasp the meaning buried underneath his words. “I told you I would get you out,” Dean says, voice leaking with emotion. Cas’ eyes flutter closed and he looks away.. “We were there, and it’s like you just gave up.”

Dean’s head shakes twice, his body language giving off a definite disbelief. “It’s like you didn’t believe we could do it, you kept saying,” he pauses, taking in a breath. Dean’s words were exploding out at a million miles an hour and he was having trouble stopping them, all his thoughts were finally running free. “that you didn’t think it would work. Did you not trust me?” Dean’s last sentence is harsh, punctuate, and he feels like he just unleashed a torment of things he should have said before now.

“Dean,” Cas says his name like it’s the answer, but it isn’t and Dean’s too far in to stop himself now.

“I did everything I could to get you out.” Dean’s voice is rough and low, and something inside him seems to be broken in the slightest of ways. “Everything,” he repeats, his head shaking to the side a single time in emphasis.

The silence of the night surrounds them, and Cas stares back with a familiar expression of shock and thought, as. Somehow, this only angers Dean more.

“I did not leave you.” He says firmly, pointing a single shaking finger at Cas.

Cas’ face only turns into something more perplexed, as if Dean’s words weren’t making any sense to him. “So you think this was,” he pauses, his tone soaking in disbelief. “your fault?”

***

Dean stands by the trunk of his car, watching Cas lean far too casually on the wheel. He was fuming once again. “That was a bonehead move back there,” he tells him, throwing the priceless tablet into his car angrily. “You could've gotten yourself killed, why didn’t you wait for me?” He asks, his question surrounded with the aftermath of constant worry. He slams the trunk, looking over to Cas for a response.

“Well I didn’t get killed.” Cas says defiantly before glancing back at Dean. “And it worked.”

“And if it didn’t?” Dean counters, unable to stop his unwanted anxiety.

“It would’ve been my problem.”

Even though Dean knew that was the way Cas thought of his missions, he still felt compelled to say something. “Well that’s not the way I see it.” He says, looking down the road before turning his eyes back to Cas.

“Hey, everything isn’t your responsibility.” Cas says, his voice turning calmer. He rotates to face Dean, plowing on despite Dean’s harsh eyes. “Getting me out of Purgatory wasn’t your responsibility.”Judging by the look on his face, he knows he’s treading on dangerous waters.

“You didn’t get out.” Dean shoots back as soon as Cas’ last word leaves his lips. “Who’s fault was it?” He glances up from the pavement to meet Cas’ stare.

“It’s not about fault, it’s about will.” Cas says as if it’s a verse from his father’s holy book. Perhaps it is, Dean isn’t sure. Cas tilts his head again, eyes squinting. “Dean, do you really not remember?”

Dean huffs sarcastically. “I lived it, Cas.” He replies, feeling it necessary to use Cas’ name since he just said Dean’s. “Okay? I know what happened.”

Cas is quick to retort. “No.” His voice is soft, careful. “No, you think you know. You remembered it the way you needed to.” He looks away, as if realizing something he hadn’t seen before.

“Look, I don’t need to feel like hell.” Dean says, his voice rising and his defenses returning. “For failing you. Okay?” His voice is stiff, solid, and the question is not phrased like a question. “For failing you like I fail every other God-forsaken thing that I care about. I don’t need it.” He shouts, his voice too loud for the empty highway.

“Dean,” Cas says again, his voice steady. It should calm him but it doesn’t, not in this moment. “Just look at it.” Cas reaches a hand towards Dean’s forehead, and Dean leans away. “Really look at it.” He elaborates. His fingers meet on Dean’s forehead, and Dean’s eyes force themselves closed.

***

Dean’s back in Purgatory, reliving the memory he has. He’s struggling up the rocks and towards the portal, Cas trailing behind. “Cas, dammit, c’mon!” He finds himself shouting over the howling wind.

His body is half in the portal now, and Cas is still on the slab of stone below. This - this seems exactly the same as the memory Dean has. So why is Cas showing this to him? What does he want him to see?

“C’mon!” He says, reaching out a hand. Cas places his dirt-and-blood covered fingers around Dean’s. “I got you, hold on!” His voice barely carries over the roaring portal.

“Dean!” Cas’ shout is deep, his voice raw from having to speak so loud.

“Hold on!” Dean’s grip on Cas’ is tighter than he ever thought he could manage, but he doesn’t weakn it.

“Dean,” Cas says again, a look of knowledge crossing over his face. He pushes Dean’s hand out of his, falling back against the stone. Dean’s frozen in spot, his head swirling with confusion. “Go.” It’s Cas’ last word in Purgatory before Dean is swept away by the force of the portal.

***

Dean’s back on the vacant road next to the Impala. His eyes open slowly, and they search the ground as if the answers are scratched into the pavement.

“See, it wasn’t that I was weak,” Dean hears Cas say, and he looks up to match his gaze. “I was stronger than you.” Cas continues, his voice full of a comfort Dean so desperately needed. “I pulled away. Nothing you could’ve done would have saved me because I didn’t want to be saved.”

His voice is overflowing with honesty and it throws Dean off. “What the hell you talkin’ about?” He asks with a quiet sort of anger. An anger softer than the one he had felt before, an anger that’s more like worry than it probably should be.

“It’s where I belonged.” Cas offers as an explanation, his voice sounding terribly close to breaking. “I needed to do penance. After the things I did on Earth and in Heaven I didn’t deserve to be out, and I saw that clearly when I was there.” Dean wants to say something, he really does, he’s just having trouble finding the right words to explain to Cas that there was no reason to punish himself.

Cas looks down, unsure. “I,” he looks back up. “I planned to stay all along, I just didn’t know how to tell you.” Dean’s breath is unsteady, shaky, and he’s so overcome with shock he doesn’t know what to say. “You can’t save everyone, my friend.” Cas tells him, eyes soft and expression fond.

“Though you try.”


End file.
